We all have friends that do it. They post about all kinds of slights between them and their spouse on social medial. Whether she forgot to pick up the kids or he forgot to take the trash out (again).
But what happens when you involve your 200+ friends on Facebook in the daily frustrations of your marriage?
Here are some things to keep in mind when you’re sharing on social media
Even if you’re still mad later
It’s one of the first lessons we learn in school. Group work can be difficult. The same applies to marriage. There can be great joy in working together to achieve some of your greatest hopes and dreams. But anytime two people are trying to carry out their goals together, there are going to be arguments and differences of opinion.
While your spouse may have done something that you’ll be upset about for a long time, social media may not be the outlet for it. Once the post goes up on social media, the group (and conflict) gets bigger. Now instead of an argument with your spouse, you have a large discussion with all of your friends (and potentially their friends) on social media.
There is no “best case” scenario
It’s not like you’re going to post something negative on social media about your spouse and find that it made everything better.
Here, the best scenario is one where your spouse is hurt by your post but chooses to move on. More likely, the post adds more division to your marriage since, rather than talking to each other, one or both of you decided to have your fight in a very public arena.
It could be used against you
It’s the thing no couple wants to think about. Divorce. And while you may not want to think about a spat over the kids that you posted on social media being read out loud in court, it’s something that can happen.
Keep in mind that anything that you share on social media is not considered private. No matter how you have adjusted your settings, if one person takes a screen shot of a post, they can share it with anyone.
Praise in public, correct in private
When you take the time to talk privately about whose turn it was to take out the trash, you allow your spouse an opportunity to apologize and try to make it right. To resolve the conflict at the time it happened and with each other.
Keeping posts on social media positive is a small thing you can do that will mean a lot to your spouse. In the heat of the moment, the idea of having your friends rally behind you about who was supposed to take the trash out. But after the dust has settled, will the damage to your marriage be worth it?
Your friends may mean well, but ultimately, they’re going to choose sides, and that makes an awkward position for everyone.
When it gets too big
There may be times when the conflict gets too big to resolve between the two of you. This is your opportunity to bring in a trusted friend or counselor. It should be someone you both can agree to bring in and someone you both trust to help you work through your disagreements.